The Lighter side – This week in Sport – Ep.3

Welcome to the another edition of ‘The lighter side – This week in Sport’, a weekly review show of all the goings on in the world of sport over the past week.
 

Before we get to the show,
 a disclaimer: All the reports here are based on completely baseless unreliable sources. We only compile them and present it to you. If we catch hold of our reporters, we will sue them on your behalf.

On tonight’s show:
 

The Barclays Premier League season kicks off 

After the summer of the world cup, the stars were back in action at their respective clubs for the season opener of the Barclays Premier League. The start of the season had fans waiting with bated breath and it didn’t disappoint. There were goals galore and shocking results like the much unfancied Blackpool beating Wigan Athletic 4-0. The most awaited clash of the opening weekend, Liverpool vs Arsenal turned out to be much of a damp squib though, with neither team really hitting top form.

The reds’ new signing, Joe Cole, really got into the spirit of the game, picking up a red card on his debut in red. When asked, he said that he was a great perfectionist and liked to really get into the role that he assumes. 

Meanwhile, while the rest of the Premier League teams played the opening weekend of the Premier League, Chelsea decided to follow a slightly different approach. In an attempt to do things differently, they played a tennis match against West Bromwich Albion. They took the first set 6-0 when they were forced off the field after 90 minutes. Being a London club, they obviously were in the Wimbledon hangover.

Synchronized swimming 

There arose a new controversy this week with the womens synchronized swimming team’s preparations thrown in disarray. The 7 member team (Avanti Merchant, Anushka Merchant, Mili Laliwala, Mihira Khopkar, Bijal Vasant, Kavita Kolapkar and Avani Dave) had been training for months now under 2 Indian coaches, Edna Sharma and Param Pal. A Japanese coach, Haruka Fujishima was brought in for special coaching and she left in April. After this, the girls trained on their own.

Bharti Dave (whose daughter Avani was in the team) had been working as coordinator for the swim team. Haruka left in mid-April and since then, the girls have been training on their own. In mid-July, Bharti Dave took 3 girls (including her daughter) to the United States for a special camp. The other girls came to know of it only later. Naturally, they were outraged. They now feel as if they have been part of the cult video game, ‘Dangerous Dave’. Anand Merchant, the father of Avanti and Anushka, wrote a letter to M.S.Gill, not because his name sounds like that associated with a fish, and the subject matter involved swimming, but because he is the sports minister. Anand is clearly not happy.

Coach, Param Pal, said that she had no idea where the girls were and that she was only a govt. servant. The girls left behind definitely don’t see her as a pal anymore. When we contacted Haruka, she spoke in Japanese which our able translator translated to mean, ‘I have only trained the Indian girls. Please do not ask me about the United States. Also, I am having sushi for dinner.’

Evidently, the synchronized swimming team is not anywhere near in-sync. Though, some girls were rumored to be listening to the music of ‘N Sync to keep their spirits up. The results of this experiment are yet not out.

The Rogers cup 

The Rogers Cup in Toronto marked the beginning of the serious hard court season in the lead up to the US Open. The tournament saw a full array of stars with the 4 top ranked players, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic all reaching the semi-finals. Federer and Murray were the last two men standing after Federer beat Djokovic and Murray prevailed over the world’s number 1 player, Rafael Nadal.

In a keenly contested final, Murray ultimately prevailed 7-5 7-5. Interestingly, this win takes his career head to head record with Federer to 7-5. When asked about his win, he said that it was great to win such a coveted title and that it was his serve that really helped him. He said something about being James Bond and about being On her Majesty’s secret service. Clearly Queen Elizabeth has had something to do with Murray’s much improved serving.

Meanwhile, Federer was clearly disappointed on missing out on the title. He said that the numerous rain delays did not help his cause either with him not being able to regain his momentum. ‘The pendulum swung his way in the end’, he said. Experts are still arguing whether he was talking about the tennis match or was advertising his rolex watch. Also, while Murray might have won, Federer had the last laugh. ‘After all’, he was quoted as saying, ‘he may have won but the tournament is still named after me.’

‘No Delhi, not New Delhi’ says Dawn
 Legendary Australian swimmer, Dawn Faser has urged Australian athletes to boycott the forthcoming commonwealth games to be held in New Delhi. ‘I would hate to see another Munich’, she was quoted as saying. When we asked close friends and family, we found out that Dawn has never been a great fan of Steven Spielberg or his movies. Hence it is only natural that she would not like to see Munich, let alone another Munich. Fraser was supported by another former Australian athlete Raelene Boyle, who was present at the Munich Games during the massacre. She said that she had seen her namesake, Danny Boyle’s portrayal of India in Slumdog Millionaire and was appalled. When we mentioned that it was Mumbai that was shown in the movie and not Delhi, she was non-committal on the issue.

Meanwhile, triple Olympic gold medalist, Australian swimming sensation, Stephanie Rice, has confirmed that she will be postponing her shoulder surgery and will indeed be taking part in the commonwealth games. Rice said that she hoped to rise to the occasion and bring laurels to her country. Also, she said that she wanted to explore India. When asked what fascinated Rice the most about India, she said one word, ‘basmati.’

Manchester City 

Manchester City completed the signings of Mario Balotelli and James Milner from Inter and Aston Villa respectively. The James Milner transfer saga finally came to an end with City finally getting their man after months of speculation. While James is now the villain at Villa. When asked about his switch to Manchester, he said, ‘It was a great opportunity to join a fantastic club like Manchester City who have great ambition. However, I would like to thank all those at Aston Villa who have helped me over the years. As a special gesture to them, I will buy myself an Aston Martin. This way, a part of Aston Villa will always be with me, and it would also be a tribute to Martin O Neill, my previous manager there.’

Stephen Ireland went the other way as part of the deal. reportedly, Manchester City were keen to offload Ireland because of a supposed rift that Manchester once had with Ireland, the country. When asked about the move, Ireland said that he was happy to be going to a club like Aston Villa who have shown that they are a top team. When quizzed about his loyalty towards his new club, he said, ‘Oh don’t worry! If James has bought an Aston, I’ve already gone and bought something more expensive, a villa.’ He chuckled and added, ‘and not David Villa, Barca already got hold of him.’

Meanwhile City also finally got their hands on Mario Balotelli, the prodigious 19 year old Italian striker from Inter Milan. Nicknamed ‘Super Mario’, Balotelli has worked with City manager Roberto Mancini when Mancini was the manager at Inter. Balotelli joins City’s long line of strikers. When asked if Balotelli could force his way into the starting line-up, Mancini was very optimistic, ‘Why not? He’s supremely talented and has got a great game.’ When asked about which game, Mancini was still undecided over the Nintendo 64 version or the Nintendo Wii version of Mario. Rumor has it that Balotelli has also bought a go-kart just so that he doesn’t look touch with the ‘Mario kart’ game. Next up on City’s radar is Luigi. Once they complete his signing, they will have the Super Mario Brothers on their books.

 Just in case you missed the whole Sehwag – Randiv ‘no-ball gate’ midweek, catch it at http://bit.ly/aiZSXZ

That’s it from this week’s bulletin. We hope you enjoyed it. Until next time, its good bye from us …