With the world cup just around the corner, we thought that it would be a great time for our ‘experts’ to provide an in-depth analysis into the fortunes of each team. In accordance with the demands of the millions of our fans worldwide, we bring to you,
THE COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO THE CRICKET WORLD CUP 2011
GROUP – B
The ‘men in blue’ as they are called, Dhoni’s men will, well of course, be looking at lifting the trophy, you know. With a strong batting lineup and home advantage, India look upon this as the best chance to win a world cup and this might well be. It will also, in all probability, be Sachin Tendulkar’s last world cup and with the finale fittingly set in Mumbai’s Wankhede stadium, it would be the ideal end to the most magnificent career. India start as favourites.
- Sachin Tendulkar at the opening slot
- Sachin Tendulkar opening the batting but as the non-striker
- Home ground advantage in Chennai
- Home ground advantage in Kolkata
- Home ground advantage in Delhi etc.
- No Sachin Tendulkar at one down
- No Sachin Tendulkar at two down etc.
- No home ground advantage in Sri Lanka and Bangladesh
- No Romesh Powar to add a shape balance
The other men in blue will be looking to remove the tag of the ‘eternal bridesmaid’ by finally winning one world cup. With a famous win in the Ashes under their belt, the team is buoyed and look upon themselves as favourites to lift the cup.
- Kevin Peterson uses the same bat manufacturer as Sachin Tendulkar.
- Anderson will sport ‘neo’ on his shirt to signify that he is ‘the one’.
- No Sachin Tendulkar in the team [common weakness for all other teams]
- Might be content with small urn (the Ashes) and may not really want to win anything bigger
- Andrew might be left clutching straws.
The eternal ‘chokers’ and ‘underperformers’, the Proteas will be eager to remove these tags and set the record straight. In good form in the run up to the tournament, they will fancy their chances.
- Always find a new way to exit the tournament.
- Guaranteed to be the best African team in the competition.
- No Gibbs to drop the world cup.
- They might have run out of ways to exit the cup
- With no Donald, there is no cartoon character to add to the mix.
With the team in disarray after a contract dispute, the run up to the world cup has not been ideal. However, with all the major stars back in the team, the West Indies could spring a surprise.
- Chris Gayle and Kieron Pollard – nothing needs to be said about their strength
- Final is in Mumbai. Hence, lots of ‘West’ Indians will cheer them on
- Chris Gayle’s ridiculous sunglasses
- No Viv Richards in the team
The Bangladesh tigers have really come in leaps and bounds in recent times and will be looking to make a real upset this time, as they did in the World cup of 2007.
- Enjoy the tag of endangered species (only 1411 tigers are left of course)
- Capable of causing upsets (mainly of the stomach kind, with their unique blend of spicy food)
- Tall claims made by the team tend to be false (Average height of the team being 5 feet)
- Tend to think that beating India is the only objective in major tournaments.
With their neighbors, England in the same group, Ireland’s sole ambition will be to be crowned the best team in the British Isles.
- Very happy as they have (Ed) Joyce.
- Always have the luck of the Irish
- Most people in Ireland still think that cricket is actually football that is played with a cricket ball.
- It’s not a football world cup and even if it were, they probably would get knocked out by a handball.
The Oranje will be hoping to make a mark in the world cup. Not sure if they will, though.
- The only team to play in Orange.
- By virtue of orange, will be rich in Vitamins.
- Not football.
GROUP – A
Coming off the back of a humiliating defeat in the Ashes, the Aussies have found some form in the shorter version of the game by winning the One-day series against England. With a balanced team, they will be genuine contenders, come the end of the tournament.
- Rather than just rely on human strength, they have animal power to draw upon (pup, bear etc.)
- Watson has finally solved the dilemma of his name and shall revert to his name of ‘first son’.
- Very old vice-captain. (The ‘pup’ is 29 years old, which in Human years translates to 129 years)
- No Mr.Cricket due to injury.
- Ponting has trouble pointing due to a finger injury.
The great enigma of world cricket continue to remain an enigma of world cricket. With the team alternatively brilliant and downright woeful, it will be interesting to see which Pakistan turns up.
- They are Pakistan
- They are Pakistan
With home advantage, and with an excellently balanced team, Sri Lanka will be looking to go all the way and emulate their feat in the last time the world cup was staged in the sub continent.
- Home conditions in Sri Lanka
- Second home conditions in India (by virtue of playing India every 15 days or so over a period of 2 years)
- Muralitharan can still spin the ball on glass even.
- Randiv prone to bowling no balls (It doesn’t really matter that he is not in the squad)
- Malinga’s hair-do might be outlawed by environment minister Jairam Ramesh.
The eternal dark horses, New Zealand, under the able leadership of Daniel Vettori and John Wright will look to leave a mark on the world cup. A black mark.
- Dark Horses by virtue of wearing black clothes.
- Daniel Vettori, the batsman
- Daniel Vettori, the bowler
- Daniel Vettori, the captain etc.
- Daniel Vettori, who is no longer the selector.
- John Wright may not be right for the job.
- Jesse more interested in being a rider on a Royal Enfield.
- Ross more interested in tailoring.
Well what can be said about Zimbabwe that has not been said as yet? Not much, really because, in truth, not much has been said at all.
- Dave Houghton, the 453 year old ex-captain is not playing any more.
- Robert Mugabe, thankfully, does not play cricket.
- Guaranteed to be the best team in Africa, north of South Africa, and south of Kenya.
- Inflation is still higher than that of India.
- Andy Flower is now in England.
- Douglas Marillier, having perfected the scoop, is not serving at the Baskin Robbins outlet near his hometown.
With pretty much the same team that has been playing from the mid 18th century, Kenya will, as usual, be one of the contenders for the tournament. To participate in it, of course.
- Team playing together for centuries. Very good relations within the team.
- Kenya is no Egypt. Hence, there is no rebellion.
- Tikolo’s spin bowling (very effective as the ball arrives so slowly that most batsmen fall asleep before it reaches them)
- Steve Tikolo has come out of retirement. While this is not really a weakness, it is not not one either.
As the sole representative from the Americas, Canada will be flying the American flag high. This is an oxymoron because no self-respecting Canadian will fly an American flag.
- Team primarily comprised of Indians, Pakistanis, Sri Lankans. Hence, no visa problem.
- The only sport where they comprehensively beat the United States.
- Not ice hockey.
Well, that just about wraps up the comprehensive round up of the world cup. Remember, it’s not the winning that is important. It’s the participation.