The lighter Side – ‘No Ball’ gate

a disclaimer: All the reports here are based on completely baseless unreliable sources. We only compile them and present it to you. If we catch hold of our reporters, we will sue them on your behalf.

Suraj Randiv denied Virender Sehwag a century by allegedly deliberately bowling a no-ball when only one run was required for victory. This has sparked off a wide-spread debate in cricketing circles regarding his conduct. It has emerged that the captain Kumar Sangakkara and all-rounder Tillakaratne Dilshan might have had a hand to play in this decision.

The stump microphone has picked up a voice in Sinhalese saying, ‘only one run remains.’ This was initially suspected to be the captain Sangakkara but it is now emerging that it could well be Dilshan who spoke those words. The confusion seems to arise from the fact there it was a no-ball. Our cricket expert, says that this has been blown out of proportion. He argues, ‘ if it was a not a ball, then what was it?’ When we enquired further, he muttered something about a no-ball not being a ball at all.

Dilshan, when asked, pleaded innocence. He said that he was being quoted out of context. Said he, ‘ I’m preparing for my GRE this year and Sanga helps me out with the math. He asked me this question before the match that if he had 100 runs and he took 99 away, how many would he have. I was busy concentrating during the entire match but it was at that unfortunate moment that I got the solution and replied that only one run remains.’

When asked, Randiv pleaded innocence by saying that he was only trying to help the Indians. After all, since only one run was remaining and the Indians had worked that hard already, it was his obligation to make the win easier for them. Also, he said that he was really confused as to whether he should indeed bowl. After all, whenever he asked anyone for the ball, they all said ‘no-ball.’

Meanwhile, the Sri Lankan cricket board has decided to launch a full-scale investigation into this issue by getting the official ‘uncensored’ version of the tapes from the broadcasters. Naturally, these will not be available on youTube.

When asked about Sri Lanka losing their ‘Spirit of Cricket’ award, Arjuna Ranatunga said that it was very important for Sri Lanka but was not too perturbed about losing it. ‘While the award will be good, we already have Sanath in our team; he is so old that in cricketing terms, he comes closest to a ‘spirit of cricket’‘.

Cheers