The Lighter Side – This Week In Sport : Episode 6

Welcome to the another edition of ‘The lighter side – This week in Sport’, a weekly review show of all the goings on in the world of sport over the past week.
Before we get to the show,

a disclaimer: All the reports here are based on completely baseless unreliable sources. We only compile them and present it to you. If we catch hold of our reporters, we will sue them on your behalf.

On tonight’s show:
The BCCI elections
The Kochi Franchise
Sushil gets a buffalo
Olivia out of CWG
India – Australia


The BCCI elections
The 81st Annual General Meeting (AGM) of the BCCI was held on … The key points of note were the expulsion of Lalit Modi from the IPL governing council, and the reinstatement of former BCCI president, Mr. Jagmohan Dalmiya. Also of note was the axing of Sunil Gavaskar, Farooq Abdullah and I.S.Bindra from the governing council.
Mr. Gavaskar was left fuming as he reportedly heard the news of his expulsion only from the media reports. Said he, ‘I do not know what has prompted the BCCI to remove me. Agreed, I might not have been a T20 player and have scored a 36 off 174 balls but that is no reason to drop me from the council. I am going to appeal to the Supreme court against this. First, my son Rohan, a fine cricketer, was dropped from the Indian team and now, this. This is some sort of conspiracy against the Gavaskars. I shall have my revenge.’
Meanwhile, the office bearers of the BCCI were elected with Niranjan Shah (West Zone), Rajiv Shukla (Central Zone in place of Lalit Modi), Arindam Ganguly (East Zone), Arun Jaitley (North Zone) and Shivlal Yadav (South Zone). Sanjay Jagdale and MP Pandove would continue as the joint-secretary and treasurer. The BCCI had on Tuesday nominated its secretary N Srinivasan for the president-elect’s post.
Mr.Lalit Modi, when approached, had this to say, ‘Ha! You call this elections? All of them stood unopposed and they were ‘elected’. If this is what is called an election, then I accept defeat fair and square. These BCCI folks are hypocrites.’ When pointed out that he actually was nominated as the Commissioner of the IPL and never elected, Mr. Modi retorted, ‘ I believe in letting bygones be bygones. I do not like speaking about the past. But I would like to state that in the years gone by, I have organized the IPL and have been the main reason for its stupendous success.’ Clearly, Mr. Modi has let the past be the past.


The Kochi Franchise
The Kochi IPL franchise has been issued a show cause notice by the BCCI to clear out the dubious nature of its ownership. The franchise is yet to submit fully to the BCCI, its list of owners and the ownership model. The owners, Rendezvous Sports World Limited, are still to submit the full list of holdings and workings of the group. This delay has led to speculation that they might have to relinquish the Kochi franchise.
The trouble started when Rendezvous got the public backing of then Union minister, Mr. Shashi Tharoor and his now wife, Sunandha Pushkar. The consortium received a blow when Shashi Tharoor was removed from the ministry with charges of misappropriation and conflict of interest. Also, his then girlfriend, Ms. Pushkar held a sweat equity in the franchise.

The sweat equity promised to Ms. Pushkar has since been withdrawn and it is still not clear as to who owns the franchise. ‘See, it’s not really our fault’, said the spokesperson of the consortium. ‘We believe in being true to our word and our name. We call ourselves rendezvous and by virtue of that, we should be called for a rendezvous with the BCCI. The BCCI, rather than do this, was constantly calling us over the phone and not meeting us in person. We pointed it out to them many times but they did not pay any heed to it. We believe in honesty and sticking to our principles. It is only a matter of time, really. It will all be sorted out. In fact, as we speak, I have just received news that we are to meet the BCCI officials in Singapore.’ When asked why Singapore, he replied, ‘Why? Haven’t you ever been to Singapore? The rendezvous hotel is there! I iterate again, we remain true to our name.’

On the topic of Ms. Pushkar, he said, ‘No. I categorically state that she was never given any sweat equity. It’s blasphemous to suggest otherwise! I mean, she always worked from an air conditioned room. Even when she was working from the Gulf, where there was 50 degree heat, we made sure that she always got an AC room. If you don’t believe me, I can show you the electricity bills.’


Sushil gets a buffalo
In recognition of his achievements, the Delhi Kushti Sangh rewarded Sushi Kumar with a buffalo. They also gave him 100 kilograms of ghee and almonds. ‘As appreciation for what he has done to make the country proud, we hereby gift him a buffalo’, said the chairman of the Sangh. He continued, ’For a wrestler, nutrition is most essential. Hence, he must have buffalo’s milk every day. The buffalo will be used for that. The almonds and ghee are also very nutritious foods. But we must stress that since the buffalo milk is most nutritious, the almonds and ghee should be used to feed the buffalo so that it gives better milk. If Sushil wants, he can also eat some almonds and ghee but the majority should go to the buffalo.’

‘We believe that he is a tremendous wrestler and needs all the support to win gold at the next Olympics. Hence, the buffalo will serve as a dual purpose. He will travel to London on the buffalo itself. This will not only be economical, but will also ensure that other athletes get scared of him. When he arrives on a buffalo in London, we are confident that the other athletes will think that it is Yamraj himself who has come. All arrangements for securing the right costume for the journey are also being made.’

In attendance in this award function, were former Delhi chief minister Madan Lal Khurana and senior BJP leader Rajnath Singh. It must be noted that Rajnath Singh was not here as a part of the Bharatiya Janata Party but in his capacity as the chairperson of the Buffalo Janmabhoomi Project. This project helps in establishing the birthplace of buffalos as their own and a court case like the Ayodhya one is underway. Also, having attended the function hosted by the Delhi Kushti Sangh, both Mr. Singh and Mr. Kurana are firmly established as members of the Sangh parivar.


Olivia out of CWG
Olivia Curran, the 19 year old gymnast from the Isle of Man has been ruled out of the Commonwealth Games because of an injury she sustained in training. She tore her anterior cruciate ligament when practicing on the eve of the games. ’It was just an accident,’ she said. ‘I was on the bars, about to dismount and my hand slipped off the bar. I slipped and landed on my knees. I knew I’d damaged it.’She is the second athlete from the Isle of Man to be ruled out of the games in quick succession. Her team mate, Joe Smith, who was ruled out of the Games earlier by a torn Achilles tendon.

Mr. Kalmadi, however, was unfazed by all this. ‘No, it’s not a big deal at all really. I had my doubts about these two athletes right from the beginning, anyway. See, this Olivia Curran is a girl and she is from the Isle of Man? How can this be possible? I used my extreme intelligence here and found out that this was not at all logical. Hence I got suspicious. Also, this Joe Smith. I was suspicious about this fellow because of his name. I was creating a hotmail ID that day (Kalmadi_comedy and Joe Smith is the example name that was given. I knew then, that this fellow worked for Microsoft and was pretending to be an athlete. So I was going to expose him but he pretended to break his leg. The truth is that he actually got called back by Microsoft because there is some project delivery coming up soon. Now that these imposters are out anyway, we can all look forward to an awesome games.’


Australia – India
Australia’s tour of India gets underway with the first test in Mohali. With this being billed as a revenge series of sorts for the Aussies, now the fourth ranked team in the world, the level of competition is expected to be high. Some are billing it as a revenge series for the Aussies but Ricky Ponting is quick to dismiss that. ‘No, this is not about revenge. Australia come into this series as the 4th ranked team in the world and my only aim is that I make Australia the best team that I can. For this, we may involve in sledging, brawls and general monkey business but we will not look for revenge.’

Both sides are keen to ensure that the series is played in the right spirit. ‘See, playing in the right spirit is most essential. We may be competing on the field but it should always be in the right spirit,’ said Indian skipper, M.S.Dhoni. ‘To ensure that we play in the right spirit, Dr. Vijay Mallya has kindly agreed to provide the spirits after the game. Hence, whatever goes on on the field of play will remain on the field of play. Off-field, we shall all be in high spirits.’ When asked about Bhajji and his fiery temper, Dhoni said, ‘no. I don’t worry about Bhajji. He will surely have his tail between his legs this time. He’s a tiger but this time around, I think that he has donated his tail to Shera, the CWG mascot. Speaking of Shera, since I endorse Aircel, I have to add, I have successfully made them change their campaign to say only 1412 tigers exist. I have made them add Shera into the list. The country can thank me now,’ he said grinning.


That’s it from this week’s bulletin. We hope you enjoyed it. Until next time, its good bye from us …