The IPL is here!

Hello there!
Greetings!

After the last warm up game held at the Wankhede last Sunday (and the small matter of winning a practice tournament), rejoice! Real cricket is back!
Yes! That’s right!
THE IPL!
YEAH! AWESOME! FANTASTIC!
It’s back!
Woooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Ok. I will stop.

But really, the IPL! All the glitz! All the glamor! All the corr, er, wrong word. Mr.Hazare might sue. And then prosecute me himself with this new bill of his. But we shall not politicize it.
Because it’s all about cricket.
And entertainment.
Ok. Less of cricket.
Ok. No cricket.
Alright. Let’s compromise.
Some cricket.
Crick we shall call it.

10 teams this time with a format that is so complex that it’s really simple. No one knows. See! It’s that simple!

The two new teams, Kochi and Pune will be the new kids on the block. Only, Kochi has Laxman and Pune has Murali Kartik. Not exactly young but we’ll take it anyway.
Kochi will be tuskers and Pune will be warriors. Fascinating that. Not one cricketer in sight. Hmmm.

The old guard will of course look to continue their winning ways and Vijay Mallya will continue his sinning ways (I have nothing against the man but the last time I checked, alcohol was still a sin).

The Chennai Super Kings, led by warm-up tournament winning skipper, M.S.Dhoni (with a no, er, new hair-do) will be title favourites again. Not because they have the strongest ream or anything but just because they won it last year. Also, the finals will be held in Chennai and in Mr.Shastri’s words, ‘in the end, Chennai is the winner.’

The Mumbai Indians will be looking to go one better than last time. They will again be led by God. There have been violent protests in Maharashtra about Gandhi-killers leading the team but these have been quelled. (apparently, when the team management was asked who will be the captain, he said ‘God se lead kiya jaaegaa’>. With Symonds and Harbhajan on the same team, the mother’s and the monkey’s will live and flourish in unison. Also, Nita Ambani will watch with her blacker than black framed spectacles and will look as clueless as a cheerleader as ever.

The Royal Challengers of Bangalore will be looking to win it of course. Vijay Mallya will try and squeeze in more brands of his liquor onto the team’s jersey and more liquor into the men in those jerseys. Siddharth Mallya, will accompany the team around and give interviews in that clipped British accent with a very puzzled looking Deepika Padukone by his side. She will, of course, be praying for peace. Om Shanti Om and all that.

The Deccan chargers will be charged up as ever. The long haired media baron with his incredibly beautiful daughter will look upon the team with keen eyes and no rupee will be spared in advertising the team in the Deccan chronicle. With a completely revamped team and Kumar Sangakkara leading the team (well, you never know, he might just suddenly announce that he has stepped down from captaincy), the Deccan chargers will be raring to go and true to their theme song, ‘go chargers go’, they will go all out. That is not a pun for all the players getting back into the dressing room one after the other.

The King’s XI Punjab will be without inspirational ex-ex-captain and man of the tournament of the warm-up tournament Yuvraj Singh. They, however, still have Preity Zinta. As if they needed anything else! Adam Gilchrist will captain the team with able assistance from, er, aah yes! Ms.Zinta. With her on the sidelines, every bowler will have the added incentive of trying to bowl the maiden over. But the one man who will not take part in that fight will be Love Ablish. After all, another ‘o’ and its Love Abolish.

The Rajasthan Royals, led by the ever young (partially due to the hair plugs) Shane Warne will try and repeat their success from IPL 1. Yes, they have commissioned highlights of the first edition. With a strong team, the boys from the desert will look to make the others eat humble pie for dessert. Also, with Shilpa Shetty, as the brand ambassador, the bowlers will be looking at good figures, the bowling variety of course.

The Delhi Daredevils will be as dangerous as ever. At the times when they don’t defeat themselves of course. Though, with all the hoopla surrounding Mr.hazare at the Jantar mantar, it remains to be seen as to how many of the players actually turn up to play. I expect 4 of them to. Don’t ask me why, though. Also, Delhi being the seat of power is sure to wield its power and influence to get behind their heroes. Mountain Dew is rumored to be sponsoring the team with the slogan ‘Dare kea age devils hai’.

And of course, The Kolkata Knight Riders. Dada’s, er, Shah Rukh Khan’s team. With two of the most expensive purchases in the auction, KKR will be looking to make a big impact this time. Gautam Gambhir, the captain, said that Kolkata will win because it’s the city of joy and winning the trophy will bring joy. Ok. It remains to be seen as to how the gardens of Eden will react to the omission of its favourite son from the team (hint: it’s nor Rabindranath Tagaore). And of course, if things don’t quite work out, there is of course Shah Rukh khan. After all, he is Ra.One – the savior.

Oh!
Kochi will win it. For Sreesanth. And Sachin.

The last word: Lalit Modi. Ha!